California’s Motto is “Eureka” meaning “I Have Found it”. Or does it mean, “They Have Lost it?"

I am a gay American. There I said it…well, I actually wrote it. Regardless, this is probably the first time I’ve written those words. These words mean so much, especially as various states have decided whether or not I or my people can get married. As you can imagine, I am very disappointed that Californians (and Floridians) decided to ban gay marriage. Am I surprised??? Well, not exactly…nothing gets out the vote like a good gay marriage initiative.

Let me start my case for gay marriage by explaining some of my own beliefs. First, I think “marriage” is a religious sacrament, before God, where one person commits themselves to another. Unless the Catholic Church recognizes my same-sex union as a marriage, it is not one to ME. However, that doesn’t mean that homosexuals should not be afforded the same rights as everyone else that is able to participate in a civil marriage. A civil marriage affords a couple all of the rights that every single person wants - to commit themselves openly to one another and be recognized; to be able to be united in EVERY way (to be recognized as parents, filing joint taxes, transferring our assets to one another upon our death, the ability to produce a piece of paper that acknowledges our commitment to one another).

What really bothers me is this. We just elected our first black president and there has been so much talk about the first minority and the impact this has on history. Not to take away from the success of Obama, but he won California by a margin of 30%, however, somewhere in the area of probably 25% of those that voted for Obama also voted to ban gay marriage – it passed with almost 52% of the vote. Based on the various Facebook status updates that have been seen on this historic day, it makes me really sad. People claiming that they feel like they have “their” country back, that they feel like they are finally an “American”, that they are not being tortured by GWB anymore, blah, blah. Outside of the sheer stupidity of some of these comments and the ignorance of others opinions (along with the purpose of a democracy), I feel somewhat the opposite. I am disappointed. I know that if the marriage ban was voted on across the country, as a whole the proposition would have passed by way more than 52% of the vote.

Almost all would not dare admit to voting for McCain as a way to keep a black man out of office, however, so many people were more than willing to jump up and down openly before the cameras and proclaim their profound joy in passing Prop. 8 and defeating gay marriage in general. No one would openly respond in that way towards another minority; it really rattled me. My co-worker (all the way across the country in Michigan) could hardly hide his disdain for “the gays” when talking about Prop. 8 and his hope for its success. Should I start my way back into the closet now, or what? Maybe give him a bad evaluation?

Now, I identify as a Republican and certainly take my share of grief for it, but it’s who and what I am…Conservative…and I am proud of it. If you want to judge me or question my commitment to the gay cause, I can handle it. I am constantly asked how I can be a Republican with their anti-gay stance (usually this is asked in a very judgmental tone by other gays who hate being judged…but I digress). However, as this Prop. 8 has proven, there isn’t much difference between the two parties – neither are pro-gay marriage. In fact, outside of Dennis Kucinich, not one of the presidential candidates supported gay marriage; all (Republicans included) supported some form of gay unions or rights.

The ban of gay marriage has me disheartened, but living in Michigan, I have never believed it would ever be legal here. Therefore, I live my life to its fullest regardless. For those of you that have been with me through my “journey” (I hate that word), you might now understand why it is so hard for me/us to come out. 52% of the people in one of the most liberal states in the union don’t want to allow us marriage rights. Losing friends due to my orientation was bad, and having to stay closeted at work, is sad, but you can’t make me feel like less of a person or an American for being gay. My God loves me and that’s what I look forward to at the end of my life. In the meantime, I will go through the legal system to ensure that my assets go to my partner, that we adopt each others kids should we be so blessed, that she has the right to be my power of attorney should I become incapacitated. Believe me, I love my girlfriend with all of my heart and it’s just as good as any other relationship – we just have to be really diligent in our affairs, that’s all. We continually talk about our wedding day and while it may not be recognized legally, we WILL be married. And I can guarantee you one thing…its going to be one heck of a reception.